December 3rd (A.K.A. POP TARTS or the importance of answering questions)

With only 22 days to go I suppose the main question we’ve got to ask ourselves is this;

What is Christmas?

(You can tell I think this question is important because I have made it bigger and put it in bold!)

Some may argue that some more pertinent questions would be;

1.      Why are we here?

2.      Where is my life going?

3.      Why don’t people have pop tarts for breakfast every day?

"Oi, who ate half my pop tart!"

But those questions really aren’t as important, let’s be honest those questions can be answered as quickly as they were asked

1. Fun
2. Fun places
3. I actually don’t know the answer to this one. I mean, they’re so good! Certainly better than toast and how could anyone even begin to compare them to bran flakes… even sultana bran doesn’t come close. Pop tarts may be the greatest thing to happen to breakfast since sliced bread.

Before sliced bread we had to put the whole loaf in the toaster and then you’d just end up with burned edges but the middle would still be untoasted… plus you’d have a broken toaster!

Why did they bother inventing a toaster before they’d invented sliced bread! What a ridiculous way to have done things. Toasters are perfectly designed for sliced bread to go in them. It is almost as if I am chronologically misinformed on this point.

The result of googling 'Loaf of bread toaster' -Interestingly the best thing in today's blog

I think if I were to rate my top 3 breakfasts then pop tarts would be top followed by a fry-up, followed by a bacon sandwich with brown sauce obv! HP sauce to be specific… obv!

HP Sauce was, of course named after J.K. Rowling's most famous character 'Harry potter'. Which is odd because I reread the whole series recently and Harry literally NEVER mentions eating brown sauce. 

I once had a roast dinner for breakfast, or a ‘Roast Breakfast’ if you will. It was smashing, had all the trimmings, Gravy and everything. However it has generally been perceived as an affront to humanity so I haven’t repeated that action.

Although thinking about it, why should I bow to public opinion! If I want a roast breakfast then I can have one. You should try one before you get angry with me about it. Gravy… on breakfast! A Yorkshire pudding… with breakfast! A portion of Apple crumble for dessert… for breakfast! There are no downsides

Saying that, there is one minor problem with a roast breakfast and that is that you’re so full afterwards that you just want to go back to bed. So you go back to bed and fall asleep for 3 hours, when you wake up you’re already 2 hours late for work and by the time you get there its gone 12. You get fired for having no reasonable excuse, because the world frowns on roast breakfasts, and you immediately become homeless struggling to find sustenance. Luckily your last meal was a roast breakfast so that keeps you going for at least 18 months.

Why do we stop using months for ages at 18 months? I think we should continue. I for one am 303 months old and will turn 304 on the 22^nd of this month, perhaps we shall celebrate that fact in this blog. More likely though, we won’t.

My dad is coming up to his 683^rd monthday which poses a new question all together;

Why do I spend time working these things out when I could be outside seeing the world?

To which I would return you to answer 1 above.

Anyway. I got a little side-tracked there. I believe the most important question I was going to answer in this blog was this;

What is Christmas?

An exclamation, informal - 1. expressing surprise, dismay, or despair.

 Unfortunately that is all I’ve got time for today but tune in tomorrow for something equally unrelated.

Happy December 3^rd everyone.

Pro-tip – You should have decided what you’re going to buy for at least one person by now.