To which 'it' am i referring? my calendar!
Why does it look like Christmas?
Because it is full of arrangements to drink.
Nothing says 'It's Christmas!' more than excessive drinking. As a British person I can pretty much find an excuse to drink at any time of the year so how does December differ? In December you don't have to come up with an excuse. You can say to a person "I was in the pub for 8 hours yesterday on a Tuesday" and without even an inkling of judgement they'll just be like "and a merry Christmas to you too!"
Of course it is only the 4th of December so it is difficult to know if this December will be as drink fuelled as previous Decembers I've been involved in but I can say that so far I have woken up hungover on 50% of the mornings December has given us so far!
But what does heavy drinking have to with the birth of Jesus?
What a silly question! the answer is of course, 'Basically everything!'
Not long after Jesus was born Joseph and God went out to 'Wet the baby's head'. The two of them were getting on pretty famously by this point despite the fact God and Mary had had a cheeky one night stand 9 months before.
The two of them got utterly shit faced and Mary was not best pleased. Looking after a baby in a stable is already a pretty tricky thing to do and the hoards of shepherds weren't really helping.
On the night out Joseph was showing everyone a selfie he'd taken of him, Mary and the baby, he'd just got instagram and was a bit filter happy and he'd taken one picture that, with the 'Autumn sunrise' filter almost looked professional. When he showed it to his mate Gary from the pub he was like 'JESUS, MARY AND JOSEPH THAT'S A GOOD PICTURE' and the use of the phrase as an exclamation really stuck!
To make it up to Mary, the next night Joseph stayed in with Jesus and Mary hit the town with the girls she'd met in her NCT classes. They started at the Inn of the stable they were staying in and did shots. Mary doesn't remember every bar she went to after that but she knows she ended up in Bethlehem Tiger Tiger, she was gutted because she had to run to the toilet and be sick and missed 'Saturday Night'.
Already we are seeing that around the time of the first Christmas both Joseph and Mary got royally smashed.
The most interesting alcohol connection to the first Christmas is the fact that the second wise man's gift of Frankincense was not, as people tend to believe, a common type of essential oil used in aromatherapy that can offer a variety of health benefits but in fact it is a brilliant Cocktail that Wise Man 2 had invented during his time working as a mixologist in a cocktail bar in Nazareth.
The drink contains one short of vanilla spiced rum, some melted brandy butter, 2 shots of brandy, the crust of a mince pie, some crushed mistletoe berries, some water that Jesus then turns into wine topped with whipped cream and Chocolate orange shavings. It is the single most disgusting cocktail known to man but it gets you absolutely trollied.
I dare you to try it, for best results use normal wine if you don't have the messiah present.
Happy December 4th... have a drink on me! I won't pay you back.
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